The Insane Harry Potter Characters: A Dynasty
by Lady Gryffinclaw
Summary: Basically the lives and acts of the Harry Potter Characters. A little something to inspire me for my other story, Lady Lily's Sneakiness.
1. Sybill Trelawney

_**Professor Sybill Trelawney**_

Sybill Trelawney was having an absolutely awkward day. Though for her, this was completely normal. She'd encountered a few first year students who had the misfortune of meeting her in the hallways and enjoyed predicting their deaths. Needless to say, the first years were understandably freaked out, vowing to never take Divination. Professor Trelawney's next class was in two hours with the Gryffindor and Slytherin fifth years. The group of Gryffindor's included Parvati Patil, Lavender Brown, Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley. The Slytherin's included Draco Malfoy, Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle.

Sybill enjoyed this class because predicting the death of Harry Potter was so fun ! The Gryffindor's and Slytherin's had her class after lunch. She headed towards the Great Hall, nearly bumping into Dolores Umbridge. Thankfully, Umbridge was too buried in her clipboard of notes to notice her. Risking a peek, Sybill noticed that Umbridge had just been to Professor Minerva McGonagall's class. While Sybill and McGonagall weren't on the best of terms, Sybill knew that McGonagall wasn't a woman to be messed with. She would even admit that the Transfiguration Mistress was a powerful witch. As long she didn't criticize Divination, all would be well.

Professor McGonagall was neat, tight and stern woman. She knew her stuff. But she thought that Divination was a wooly subject. Such a pity, she could be quite talented if she wanted to be. Sybill actually planned to sit next to McGonagall this meal and try to get a prediction out of her. Obviously, Trelawney didn't have any experience with dealing with McGonagall, because McGonagall had an extremely short temper for the Divination teacher. She could blow up any minute. But either Trelawney was really stupid or she didn't want to give it any mind.

Anyway, just as she was going to go into the Great Hall, she bumped into Harry Potter. Sybill opened her mouth to say something. But Potter just looked at her with a look of horror on his face and then made a mad dash towards the Gryffindor table, practically throwing himself between his friends, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger. Miss. Granger looked at him in concern and said something to him. Potter just shook his head, Weasley was too buried with his Beef Stroganoff.

Sybill went to the Head table and placed herself between Severus Snape and Minerva McGonagall. Both looked extremely displeased to be stuck with her for the rest of the meal. She put some chicken wings on her golden plate and poured some pumpkin juice in her goblet. Eating, Sybill tried to start a conversation with McGonagall.

"Minnie McGonagall, I look into your future and I see something of difficulty. You suffer, die a horrible death with all your organs splattered onto this very table." Sybill said with food spilling out of her mouth.

Minerva spat out her pumpkin juice, while Snape chocked on his pasta. Professor Pomona Sprout, the Herbology teacher, cleared her throat.

"If you don't mind me saying Sybill, but some of us are trying to eat over here."

Trelawney nodded her head sadly and said, "But oh my poor Pommie, your next. Tomorrow, we will find you chocked to death by Devil's Snare in Green House number 3."

Sprout chocked on the nickname and glared at the Divination teacher. Flitwick decided to include himself into the conversation.

"Please Sybill, we really do want to eat before our classes. After all, it wouldn't do accidentally burning a feather while demonstrating the Levitation Charm for the first years. It wouldn't make a good first impression."

"But Filly, my heart burns for your future. You have dark days looming upon you. Gold and silver, you'll die at their mercy. Live while you can my dear Professor."

The Charms Master spat out his chamomile tea.

"Please refrain from all of your ridiculous comments Sybill. It really does not become you." snapped Aurora Sinistra, the Astronomy Professor.

And so went on Trelawney, predicting every single Professor's death in very creative ways. All of them were banging their heads on the table. At some point during the predicting rally, the students had stopped their conversations to watch. Snape had got quite the attention when he, in his rage, threw a Jelly-Legs Jinx at Trelawney and missed badly. Down in the Gryffindor table, Hermione Granger was wondering.

"Say, Harry, Ron, what do you think is wrong at the Head Table ?" the curious bookworm asked.

"Judging by the looks Trelawney is receiving, I bet it has something to do with her." replied Harry while eating his steak.

McGonagall and Trelawney had gotten into a fully fledged duel, Trelawney struggling to dodge and throw McGonagall off by predicting the most ridiculous things imaginable.

Finally McGonagall got her by turning her into a tap-dancing pineapple. The students cheered. Those who went to Divination, actually walked up to McGonagall and hugged her. But Parvati and Lavender were just booing. Snape took twenty points off Gryffindor for the Gryffindor gossiping duo's immature acts. The Great Hall was in a hullabaloo and Dumbledore had mysteriously disappeared halfway through the meal. The sneaky Headmaster.

Trelawney's petty predicting got herself in this ridiculous pineapple, tap-dancing. McGonagall, apparently had no intention of turning her back soon.


	2. Lord Voldemort

_**Lord Voldemort's POV**_

Lord Voldemort was having a horrible day. His whole body ached. No doubt it was that Potter's doing. He'd already crucio'ed five of his followers who dared approach him when they weren't called. Three of his followers were on a raid and hadn't come back, making his already bad mood, fouler. He thought to the day that he made the mistake of attacking the Potter's, not that he would ever admit he made a mistake. The Potter's were prepared for their death.

**_FLASHBACK_**

_It was Halloween and Voldemort had prepared to attack the Potter's at dawn. Eight o'clock precisely. He'd sent nearly half of his Death Eater's to attack the Ministry, Saint Mungo's and Diagon Alley so nobody could help the Potter's. He'd had Peter Pettigrew also known as Wormtail, who was a close friend of the Potter's guide him to Godric's Hollow, where he found a quaint little cottage. It was full of life. To outsiders who didn't know the secret, it seemed like an abandoned rubble. Nevertheless, the Potter's had decorated the house with pumpkins and decorations that muggle kids called scary._

_He walked down the street. A small muggle child came over to him._

_"Nice costume sir !" said the boy happily._

_Voldemort took one look at the boy. He raised his wand. How dare this filthy creature mock him ! The boy seemed scared now. He started to run at a fast pace. But no avail, as the flash of green light hit him and the child never reached his mother. The muggle woman screamed._

_"What have you done to my baby ! Why isn't he breathing ?! I will press charges." said the woman with midnight black hair._

_Another flash of green light and the woman knew no more. _

_Already in a rage with the muggles, his walked quickly towards the kissing gate. He slammed it open, giving a fair warning to the inhabitants of the house that he was there. He didn't have patience, any Death Eater could tell you that. There was obviously a rush in the Potter house as he heard James Potter yell at his wife._

_"Lily ! Its him ! Take Harry and go !"_

_"Alohomora !" Voldemort pointed his wand at the door. It clicked open._

_There was James Potter standing there, with a look of defiance on his face._

_"Move Potter. Move and I will give you mercy. Move and you won't die."_

_"Never ! You'll never hurt my family. Over my dead body !" cried James._

_"Well that won't be a problem Potter. Just remember in your afterlife that I gave you a fair chance. Your still young. You could be a wonderful asset to my Death Eater's. What do you say Potter, will you join the noble cause ?"_

_"No Voldy-Short's, I think we've already established that me and my family won't join you."_

_Voldemort was getting steamier by the minute. Lacking the patience, he quickly said the curse that ended the Patriarch of the Potter Family's life._

_"Avada Kedavra !"_

_James Potter fell down. His body was limp. He wouldn't live to see another day._

_Voldemort looked at James gleefully. He then stepped on James' face and walked towards the staircase. He ascended them. Reaching the nursery door, he blasted it open._

_Lily Potter was standing between him and her son, Harry's crib, fearfully. A look of defiance and fear was on her face, mixed together._

_"Not Harry ! Please not Harry ! Have mercy, have mercy !" cried Lily, her face red and blotchy from crying._

_"Stand aside you silly girl ! I only want your brat. Stand aside !"_

_"No ! Please have mercy ! Not Harry ! Take me instead !" Lily begged._

_"Avada Kedavra !"_

_"Oh well, one less mudblood in the world." he shrugged._

_"Now its time for you boy. Meet your end. The boy-who-had-the-chance-to-defeat-me. Ridiculous !"_

_He threw the fateful curse at the youngest Potter, eager to watch another person and child dead. But instead of hitting the boy, something else happened. Voldemort watched in horror as the curse rebounded and hit him. Nothing remained of the Dark Lord but a pile of robes and a wand that had killed many._

**_END OF FLASHBACK_**

He shook his head. Couldn't have that worthless Wormtail stood in front of him instead of transforming into his cowardly rat form ? He'd lost ten years that he could've spent planning and killing powerful witches and wizards and holding their foundations in his hands. He needed political power, money and followers. Voldemort screamed again. The brat, Potter was laughing again. Why the bloody hell couldn't he just shut up !

"SNAPE !" roared Voldemort.

In the back of the small group of followers Snape winced.

"Yes my Lord ?"

"Brew me a Power Potion, Sleeping Draught, Cruciating Essence and Pepper up Potion." Snape nodded.

"Yes Milord."

He scurried away, eager to be away from any torturing curses that the Dark Lord may give as a present. He wondered why Voldemort wanted the Cruciating Essence. Instead of going to the lab in the Manor, he apparated to Hogwarts to tell Dumbledore about Voldemort's pain and his request for the peculiar and dark Cruciating Essence.

Back with Voldemort, the Dark Lord had started dancing around the lair. Lucius Malfoy in particular was wondering if his Lord had finally gone insane. Voldemort started singing.

_I love you, you love me  
>We are a big family<br>With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you,  
>Why don't you say you,<br>Love,  
>Me,<br>Too ?_

**_(Mistakes intended)_**

It went on like this for hours. Most Death Eater's were banging their heads on the wall or pulling their hair out. Bald ones like Wormtail, were just trying to get the Dark Lord to stop singing and dancing and failing miserably.

In Hogwarts, Harry Potter, Fred and George Weasley and Lee Jordan were laughing their asses off.


	3. Nymphadora Tonks

_**AN: We're gonna pretend that in this story, Dumbledore forced Harry to go to the Dursley's for Christmas, to recharge the wards. Sorry for any inconveniences caused. It is a story after all, I don't wanna be copying from J.K Rowling.**_

_**Nymphadora Tonks**_

There was a very light pop in a deserted muggle neighborhood. It was snowing heavily. A woman had just popped into existence into what she believed an empty street. This woman was strange looking. She had spiky pink hair, a heart shaped face and a dimmed mischievous glint in her eyes. These were dangerous times they were living in, she had to be incredibly careful. Quickly changing her complexion into what she hoped looked like a Frenchwoman, she observed her surroundings. She appeared to have come to a neighborhood where all the houses were the same. She looked at the sign that read: _"Privet Drive"_. She hadn't made a mistake.

Muggles were just weird, she decided. Taking a wary and careful look around, she took her wand out and made the snow on the signs that signaled which house was which disappear. She walked towards Number Four Privet Drive. She rang the bell near the door. There was a crash from inside the house which told the woman that the inhabitants of the house hadn't expected any visitors. There was shout from inside.

"Harry ! Harry ! Open the door."

Two seconds later, the door opened. A thin and skinny boy who looked to be about fifteen answered the door. He had a pale and gaunt complexion, messy black hair and emerald green eyes.

"Hello ? How can I help you miss ?" asked the boy dully. It was obvious that he was forced to use this phrase whenever a stranger rang the bell.

It was the first time that Nymphadora Tonks would go to Harry Potter's house alone. She felt that even though Dumbledore hadn't allowed her to visit, she would do just that. Tonks never was one to obey rules anyway. She had a letter from her cousin, Sirius, who had been aware that she was going to visit his godson. He'd added every single Order detail in this letter. If Molly found out, she'd have a fit. She knew that Harry had learned a bit of French when he had competed in the Triwizard Tournament from Fleur Delacour.

"Excusez-moi? Connaissez-vous un Monsieur Harry Potter? Je ne sais pas l'anglais, mais j' été informé qu'il savait le Français. J'ai une lettre pour lui." Tonks had searched this phrase in the imtermet ? What was it called ? Oh, Internet. Bless that Google Translate.

Harry appeared to be startled to be sought out by a stranger.

"Je ne vous connais pas. Qui êtes-vous?" asked Harry a bit suspiciously.

She turned into Tonks for a brief second and then changed back. Harry's eyes nearly popped out of his skull.

"Oui, oui. Merci, mais qui m'a envoyé une lettre ?" said a now reassured Harry.

"Son quelqu'un que vous considérez être comme un parent."

Harry's eyes widened as he immediately knew it be from Sirius.

"Ah, oui. Pouvez-vous s'il vous plaît remettre la lettre à moi? J'aimerais lire. Merci pour votre service."

"Oui, oui. Ce ne était pas un problème Monsieur Potter. Je me demandais si je pouvais répondre à votre tante et son oncle Harry ?"

"Oui, vous pouvez entrer." replied Harry, a bit confused.

Just as Tonks entered, a woman with blonde hair and icy blue eyes came down from the stairs she was wearing a cocktail dress and brown boots, further proving to Tonks that muggles were absolutely insane. Harry was too looking at his aunt as if she were mental. I mean, who in their right mind would wear a dress of all things in the cold air ?

"Hello Madame, I'm Petunia Dursley, what can I do for you ?" asked Petunia in a saccharine sweet voice that was obviously fake.

"Maybe you could disappear ?" said Tonks.

She abruptly changed into her original form, fired off a Jelly-Legs Jinx and Bat-Bogey Hex. Petunia screamed.

"Abito a Anatroccolo Copertina !" yelled Tonks. Petunia's ugly cocktail dress turned into yellow duckling fur.

Vernon Dursley came running down.

"Another freak in my house, get out you freaks, out !"

Another wave of Tonks' wand and Vernon Dursley was turned into an ugly walrus. She turned to the horrified Dudley, proceeding to turn him into a baby whale, she grabbed Harry by the arm and apparated him away, only pausing to spell his belongings to Grimmauld Place. With another faint pop, they were gone.


	4. Harry Potter

_**Harry James Potter**_

_Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hoggy Warty Hogwarts,  
>Teach us something please,<br>Whether we be old and bald,  
>Or young with scabby knee's,<br>Our heads could do with filling,  
>With some interesting stuff,<br>For now they're bare and full of air,  
>Dead flies and bits of fluff,<br>So teach us things worth knowing,  
>Bring back what we've forgot,<br>Just do your best, we'll do the rest,  
>And learn until our brains all rot.<em>

Harry James Potter, third year Gryffindor student, was banging his head on the stone wall. It was the thousandth time Albus Dumbledore, the Headmaster, had put on that bloody song. Looking around, Harry verified that other students had either palmed their faces, put their fingers in their ears or banging their head on the walls like Harry himself. Hermione Granger was rolling her eyes skyward as if asking for help, Ron Weasley looked like he wanted to cry and Neville Longbottom looked like he wanted to be anywhere but Hogwarts.

Finally, Hermione pulled him and Ron to the Library.

"Uh, Hermione ? Why are we going to the Library ?" asked a confused Harry.

"Because its the only place that doesn't have that crazy song playing on and on. Madame Pince refused outright to let Dumbledore take the peace of the Library away." replied a frazzled Hermione.

For the first time in three years, Harry Potter and Ron Weasley were going to the Library willingly.

"Then lets go ! If its the only place that doesn't have that bloody song going on, I'll willingly camp in there. Dumbledore's gone crazy." yelled Ron.

They entered the quiet and peaceful Library. Hermione immediately went to the Charms section. She quickly grabbed a wornout book from a shelf and flipped through it all the while talking to Harry and Ron quietly.

"You wouldn't believe what I found the other day. I was so shocked, it was impossible to find a teachers school textbook that they used themselves in the Hogwarts Library. Or so I thought."

"Hermione, what are you talking about ?" asked Ron.

"It's Professor Snape's Charms textbook. He's invented pretty useful charms if I say so myself. I'm looking for a particular spell that I found Wednesday when I was here. It's a spell that you preform on a particular object or around yourself. It will quiet it down. For example, if we preform this spell around us, everybody else will hear a low buzzing sound. I forgot the incantation and ... oh here it is !" rambled Hermione.

Harry and Ron were staring at her openmouthed.

"Did she just say that she found Snape's old Charms textbook ?" stuttered Harry.

"I think she did mate, I think she did." replied Ron.

"The Muffliato Charm. If I borrow this book from Madame Pince I can look up the wand movements and preform it on every single speaker there is in the school. Of course, it may take up the whole day, trying to find the speakers. But I'll try anyway." said Hermione excitedly.

Harry just snatched the book from Hermione's hands and went to Madame Pince's desk. Hermione let out a squeak of indignation. Harry payed no attention to the bushy haired bookworm. He gave it to Madame Pince. Pince waved her wand in a complex manner and gave the book with extreme care to Harry.

"Okay Potter, you have to return this book in two weeks. That means, the 27th. If anything happens to the book, you'll see the consequences for yourself." said Pince grumpily.

Harry gulped and dashed back to Ron and Hermione.

"What page is the charm in Hermione ?" he asked, still bewildered by the fact that he'd just checked Snape's Charms textbook out of the Library.

"Page 128." she said superiorly.

Sighing at the tone that Hermione took, Harry flipped through book. He landed on the page of Silencing Charms. Where there had been a large and empty margin, was filled up with black inky notes.

_The Muffliato Charm_

_The Muffliato Charm is a complex Silencing Charm created by myself. The incantation is "Muffliato" and the wand movements are swish, flick, swish, twist to the right. This charm was of course, very hard to create and it requires a large magical reserve. Under no circumstances should a person preform the charm while tired or hungry. Hinting to the obvious, consequences will be severe if you do it while you're tired._

"Arrogant much ?" muttered Ron.

Harry, Hermione and Ron practiced the charm by using books in the far end of sections, to be far from Madame Pince's prying eyes. After four tries, it finally worked. Harry had used the charm on a Transfiguration textbook that had to be as old as the school. He threw it down. Nothing sounded. Giving off a relieved sigh, he rounded up the rest of the group. Ron and Hermione had completed the charm at the same time as him.

"Okay guys, we have 3 hours till Potions. I doubt Snape will be in a good mood with this stupid song playing so we have to split up and do the charm on every single speaker in the school. Ron, you go to floors one and two. Hermione three and four, and myself, five, six and seven. Three, Two, One, Go !"

Two hours later found a very smug Golden Trio and a very grumpy Albus Dumbledore in the Great Hall for lunch.


End file.
